Becoming Me: One Awkward Step at a Time

To be in love in love—it’s an expression I just recently heard, and it hit me in the chest. Even the possibility that this expression exists made me wonder what else can exist and how many deep, often hidden feelings are totally normal for humans but go unnoticed until they’re said out loud and someone who cares for you confirms that they’re real.

Realizing new feelings, thoughts, and ideas bears a big responsibility toward our shape as humans. Knowing something and not doing anything about it is stupidity, many would say. But isn’t it sometimes just right to let some feelings grow where they are supposed to grow by procrastinating? I’ll let you decide.

When the question arises—because it does arise—what to do about this new status of awareness, a lot of choices can be made, and nothing is wrong.

The most hilarious thing I’ve learned about choices is that whatever I choose here and now is right. But five minutes later, I could reevaluate and make another choice, and that would be fine as well.

When looking back in time, shame or unhappiness should never be felt for the choices we made with the knowledge we had at that point in our lives when we had to go left, right, or just hang in the middle.

The main reason for rethinking our choices should be forgiveness of our previous selves. But isn’t it true that no one judges us harder than we judge ourselves? And when a lot of “buts” show up in our minds, wouldn’t it be stupid to spend so much time calculating the possibilities of how time bends without knowing all the changes we might cause in others’ lives—changes we have no control over? For me, it sounds like trying to solve a mathematical equation that’s missing numbers and has no solution, so why bother further?

Nobody forgives and forgets harder for our so-called mistakes than we do ourselves. But I want to forgive my mistakes as I would forgive my kids, husband, friends, or even a total stranger who tells their story, and I think, Come on, dude, that wasn’t even a big deal.