Becoming Me: One Awkward Step at a Time

The realization of what happiness truly means to me has made me feel more human than ever before. I’ve always had moments in my life when I felt joy and happiness, but being consciously aware of those moments and exploring their meaning is part of getting to know myself better. It allows me to savor the happy moments even more deeply.

When darkness settles in the bedroom and my eyes begin to adjust to the dim light—when the streetlight filters through a slight gap in the curtains—and I see my child sleeping, it feels magical. The silence, the stillness, and the absence of distractions give me the space to pause and embrace how privileged I am. These are the moments when everything in my life feels complete and balanced. I could list countless reasons why this is so, but the simple act of watching them sleep—the perfect contours of their face, the peace they radiate with their long lashes gently closed—feels like pure perfection. It fulfills a deep desire within me.

The shapes and colors of nature also bring me profound happiness. I’ve had so many of these moments that I often remember only the most recent ones. Nature has a way of filling me with joy, even when the waves are high and the forces of nature seem dangerous. There’s something about its power, rawness, colors, shapes, and the nurturing kindness of a mother. Nature often cradles us gently but can also be harsh and grumpy at times. Yet, amidst this duality, it reveals its magic—a beauty so profound that I struggle to find words to describe it. Whether looking down, left, right, or up at the sky, I always find something awe-inspiring.

And then there’s the smile—simple, yet powerful. Seeing others smile and be happy gives me a piece of their joy, and it’s completely free. Many people are self-conscious about their smiles, especially when their teeth show, but those are the best kind of smiles. They’re unfiltered, uncontrollable, and honest, erupting as a pure expression of happiness in that moment. When I witness someone smiling, it often becomes my moment too, shared and equally delightful.